So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
