I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
