I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You just made me feel so damn special
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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