Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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