Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
