I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
