Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
