and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
