i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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