Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
