no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
