My girlfriend figured out who you are.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
