i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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