How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
