I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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