I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
