I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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