Plan B is the new Plan A
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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