so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
