we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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