So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
