yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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