weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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