why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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