he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
