Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
