I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
