I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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