Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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