if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
