i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
