we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
