Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
