She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
