You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
