So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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