me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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