Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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