whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
