Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will be naked everywhere
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
