I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
