oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
