just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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