Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
