dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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