i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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