is your mom at the bar?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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