I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
