We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
