i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
